Week 19: My First Commercial

This post is going to be kind of like my "First Youtube Video" post. A camera crew came into my office to film a commercial for Yelp. It was part of a package they offered us and my brother (again) wanted me to do it. I felt the same way about it that I felt about making Youtube videos, but this one was even more out of my comfort zone because I've never done a commercial before and that's not my kind of thing. With the Youtube videos I'm at least giving information that helps people. I kept hoping the camera guy would get stuck in traffic and have to re-schedule! But nope. He showed up on time and I had to sit there and talk about myself and my law firm on camera. I lived. I haven't watched it. Just like I haven't watched any of my Youtube videos. It was all early in the morning so I couldn't even get my hair done or anything like that! But I got through it and it's done. :-) Maybe by the end of this year I'll finally be comfortable being on a screen and will feel comfortable posting these videos. But for now, I'm just glad it's done.

Week 18: First Time Watching Fela and First "Activation of the Creative Order" Experience

For Week 18 I FINALLY got to see Fela!

I missed it when it was on Broadway and missed it during it's first round in LA, but I caught it this time! It was only here for a few days, so I had to re-arrange some stuff to go but it was worth it. It was a beautiful show filled with amazing dance, music, and politics. :-D

For that same weekend I had signed up for a Dr. Robert McDonald workshop on a process called"The Activation of the Creative Order." I wasn't too sure what to expect, but I've been working with Dr. McDonald for a couple of years now and I think he's wonderful. He practices a healing method called The Destination Method, which he developed and uses a lot of Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. He's a master when it comes to the brain and thoughts. This workshop in particular was 3 days longs and I had never seen the process before and didn't know much about it.

It turned out to be a process to activate creation/manifestation. And it incorporated a process which helped you integrate the part of you that wants what you desire to manifest and the part of you that does not want it, because according to Dr. McDonald, if there was no part of you that didn't want it, you would have it. Additionally, it involved a process for developing faith and certainty that your manifestation is. That was pretty cool. I'm sure I can't get into it but it involves seeing the future scene from the future of the future. It was pretty cool. I will report back results. :-D That was Week 18.

Weeks 13-17: A Recap of Prayer Class, Salt Therapy, Work Outs, and Cleanses

I'm behind a few weeks... I've been doing my fun firsts, but haven't been able to sit down to keep track of my Firsts in a minute. It's been a crazy month so I'll just re-cap the last few weeks in one entry before I fall further behind and forget what I did. My dog of almost 12 years transitioned and I was sad and I didn't feel like doing anything. Not even posting a blog entry. I'm better now, but that was a challenging situation. Anyhow, here goes my quick re-cap.

Week 13: My First Prayer Class

Ahhh! Synchronicities happened and I received guidance to take a Prayer class at Agape. It came through meditation (after the blatant synchronicities) and I'm not one to ignore guidance, so I signed up for the class kicking and screaming. #1 it was a multi-week class and signing up for a multi-week prayer class commitment didn't sound like something I wanted to do because #2 I don't like praying in front of groups or guiding prayer. And I heard the still, small voice say, "And that's exactly why you're going to do it." Signing up for it was definitely out of my comfort zone.

It was a lot better than I expected. We covered the steps of a prayer treatment, one per week and it was more about praying through activity and as an expanded state of awareness than leading prayers in front of class. We did, however, have a prayer partner each week of the class (changed partners weekly) and during each day of the week we had to call our partner at agreed upon times and pray. I did okay. The first steps of spiritual prayer treatment is recognizing God in things around you/everywhere and recognizing/acknowledging your Oneness with God, so the class served to help me focus seeing God in everyone and in feeling my Unity with God. That was good. And I'm more comfortable praying in front of others now. Most of the prayers focused on just being grateful.

Week 14: Crossfit

The particular location I tried wasn't for me. I don't doubt that there are great Crossfit studios out there, but I didn't like the vibe at the one I bought a Groupon for. And the boot camp I tried last month felt better to me, so I went back to the prior bootcamp instead. I'd definitely be up for trying Crossfit at a different location because I hear each one is different.


Week 15: Salt Therapy

I love salt water baths. They're my simple solution (from Pranic Healing) for just about everything, so when I saw that "salt therapy" existed I was immediately interested. Salt is such a great healer and absorber of negative energy. So I went on down to the salt therapy location to try it out.

This is what the room looked like:

 

You got to sit in there for 45 minutes. Chillin:

 

Not only is it a salt room with salt on the walls and floor, but when they turn the room on salt starts coming out of this hole in wall:

 

 

 

It was definitely something new and relaxing. I didn't have a stuffy nose or cold or any respiratory issues (it's popular for healing those things), but the owner still gave me a box of tissues when I went in the room and to my surprise I did need them. Apparently when you breathe in the salt it cleanses your nose and respiratory system and you end up needing tissues. Coolness.

 

 



Week 16: Drinkbar Juicery's 3 Day Raw Juice Cleanse

I've done juice cleanses before, but not this one: http://www.drinkbarjuicery.com/collections/frontpage/products/3-day-cleanse

My brother and his girlfriend were going to do it off of a Groupon and I decided to join them. It was a bit experimental because we had never heard of the juice shop and they don't list any of the juice ingredients on the website so we weren't sure what we were getting into.

It was pretty good. The notable thing to mention is that I shed "emotional eater" as one of my stories/labels. I was on the cleanse the entire time my dog was sick and when she transitioned. I had been one of those people who eats when stressed out, but I somehow managed to remain on the cleanse during the very stressful situation.  Every time I left the emergency animal hospital I FELT like eating a pizza with 2 sides of In n Out fries followed by a hot fudge sundae, but instead I just drank my green juices. I was very amazed by my behavior and discipline considering the situation. And it was a pretty strong cleanse, complete with strong green juice and apple vinegar cider. It was also my first time juicing with apple vinegar cider. I didn't cheat at all and I lost 5 lbs in 3 days.

Week 17: 30 Day Squat Challenge

A.K.A. This:

I actually started a little over 23 days ago, but I'll count it on this week since it's almost over, I've seen great results, and I need something for this week. A friend was doing this challenge on FB and posting pictures of her backside throughout the challenge. When I saw the kinds of results she was getting, I decided to try it too.

I wasn't expecting big results because I already do squats. But apparently I'd never done them this consistently and with this pattern. The above works. Within 15 days I had a new backside! The results are quick and the exercise easy! My butt has a cool new "pop" to it. I took a 4 day break in there when my dog transitioned, but I picked up again a couple of days ago and just finished Day 23. I DEFINITELY recommend this to everyone.
Okay, now I'm caught up. :-)




Week 12- My First Pilates Reformer Experience

For Week 12 I decided to try something I've been wanting to try for over 10 years- a pilates reformer machine! So this is what I was doing all week:

And playing with things that look like this:

I've tried mat pilates on and off since I was about 17-18 years old but I had never tried the reformer or any equipment. I remember when I was in high school I used to be on my elliptical machine watching E! and VH1 celebrity shows that showed celebrities working out on pilates reformers at pilates reformer gyms..... And I'd been wanting to try it since way back then.

So Week 12 I found a pilates gym, joined, and bought a personal training package (you have to do personal training before you're allowed to join the group classes). I felt so rich and prosperous every morning I got up to meet up with my private trainer at my pilates reformer gym!

And the results were awesome! The work out isn't too hard. I mean it's hard on your abs and core when you're deep into doing something that hurts, but you don't feel exhausted afterward.

It gave me great results as far as abs. The bootcamp I did during Week 10 strengthened my body overall, but a week of pilates reformer privates gave my abs the extra kick of definition I wanted. I should have done before and afters, but I forgot. Here's after just 3 private sessions:

(I didn't add a filter- my phone did that on its own!)

 

 

You can see the ab definition a little better in this one:



 

Catching ab definition on a cell phone camera is a little tricky, but I think you can see my new pilates reformer abs in these.

 

 

I really like the results and have 2 more personal training sessions this week. I'm going to keep the pilates reformer in my work out schedule by taking at least one group class a week at the pilates gym. You still need to get your cardio in at some point because Pilates doesn't really give you that and I do prefer heavier weight for my lower body, so I'm going to use the reformer just once a week to add definition to my abs and keep them flat. I've also kept the Kundalini Yoga practice I started in Week....8ish or so and am kind of addicted to it at this point. I'm making my Saturday work appointments come in at noon tomorrow just so I can go to my Kundalini Yoga class in the morning. LOL, these fun firsts are making my work out schedule overflow! I might be doing double work outs every day by September in order to fit in all my new loves. :-)

Week 11- My First Texas Experience/First Mechanical Bullride and Country Dancehall

For this week's Fun First I went to Texas for the first time and enjoyed Texas culture (and cowboy hats)! It took awhile to realize I'd technically never gone to Texas before because I feel like I've had so many meals at Texas airports, but I had never been outside the airport before. I had a WONDERFUL time!

I went because one of my good friend's from law school was getting married in San Antonio and it was sooooo good to be reunited with my "1L year of law school study group" friends. It's almost like a hazing experience type of bond. Not only did we survive those Harvard Law finals, but we're still a vibrant group:

So after the rehearsal dinner (which was at a TexMex restaurant), we went to a country dancehall (picutred above), or "ho down" as one of my friends called it. I think this was a new experience for all of us. This must have been the Costco of country dancehall spots. It even had a rodeo inside of it. And performing bands:

 

 

We're a pretty fun group so we were all in for learning/trying to learn country dancing. On the shuttle to the place I asked if someone was going to teach us how to do it and another one of my girlfriend's answered that she thought it was the kind of dance that came naturally. Nope! The western two-step is FANCY! Me looking super confused on the dance floor:

 

 

Being confused didn't stop us from being all in the mix:

 

 

While enjoying all this fun a mechanical bull in the corner caught my attention. I was wearing a dress and was told if I fell, which was inevitable, everyone might see my underwear. And on top of that I didn't know where that bull had been so I should have a protective layer. This did not stop me. I was determined to have my first mechanical bullriding experience. I ran around and found someone who sold me a pair of shorts. Extra long shorts at that because there were no other ones. I threw on my shorts and got ready for my bullride:

 







 

 

To give perspective, this is how much bigger than me it was:

 

You already know how this ended:

 





 

Ha!!! Super fun times!!! I liked Texas!

 

Week 10- My First Boot Camp Experience

For Week 10 I committed to a 5am Boot Camp called "Fit Body Boot Camp." I committed to it BEFORE this week and have been doing it, but decided I'd count it as my new fun first on the week that I finished so that I could have already had the full experience.

This was VERY new for me in multiple ways. I've maybe dropped into a "boot camp themed" class at a dance studio or gym before, but I've never done an actual boot camp program. I'm not great at things like push ups or people yelling at me.... On top of that I'm NOT a morning work out person. I appear to be a morning person because I tend to wake up with a smile on my face, BUT my body doesn't fully function in the morning. I know this because I have repeatedly tried to run in the mornings (and by mornings I mean even 10 am or even noon) and I can't even run a full mile at that time. It's crazy.

So when I read that this boot camp was special because it has some sort of special formula that puts your body into some state where it continues to burn fat for many hours afterward, I decided I'd commit to going to the morning sessions (they did have afternoon sessions, but I wanted the full getting up and working out while it's still dark outside experience) AND that I would commit to going every day. 6 days a week because they're closed on Sundays. This was a big commitment and I honestly wasn't sure how I was going to do with it.

And now that it's over, I am SOOOOOOO incredibly proud of myself. I did not miss one morning. My work life ended up getting pretty hectic because of an immigration reform that took place during this time and so I was working longer hours and no matter how exhausted I was, I got up every morning. One night I had to stay up until 1 am and so I decided I'd have to just skip boot camp in the morning or I would be too tired at work to do my job right, so I didn't set my alarm clock. I woke up at 2 am and stared at my clock. Then I woke up at 3am and stared at my clock. I realized I couldn't sleep because I was worried about letting myself down by breaking my commitment to myself. So at 3am I set my alarm clock and got up right when it went off and headed to boot camp. I impressed myself.

The boot camp itself was pretty cool. It goes by SUPER fast. It's a special formula where you only have to work out for 30 minutes a day.... On top of that it's mainly intense 20-30 second sprints and then you rest for 10 seconds and there are usually 5-6 stations. It moves so fast that you can't believe the work out is over when it's over. Because of this, I loved the work out and now the cardio machine at the gym feels really boring. I never once got bored at boot camp or had the opportunity to even glance at the clock. It would always be over before I even knew it.

That's not to say I wouldn't be praying certain seconds would go fast like the last 10 seconds of drumming at a ropes station (this is the one I disliked most because my arms would fatigue and I couldn't make waves in the ropes like I was supposed to once I fatigued) or when doing kettlebell burpees, but the exercises were usually over before I knew it.

During the first week I was so sore I it hurt to even sit. By the second week the soreness was gone. I didn't lose weight because I gained a lot of muscle, but I definitely toned up and lost inches in my arms and waist (*disclaimer- I couldn't get myself to trust that a 30 minute work out was enough, so I did 30 minutes of cardio after boot camp every morning). I also felt very energized during the day though I would pass out around 9pm every night. I also feel a lot stronger. And I LOVED LOVED LOVED the discipline of waking up early and getting my day started all early. I didn't know I liked discipline so much. But I love the freedom it actually provides and  I loved the feeling of pushing myself and keeping my commitment to myself and my body.

As part of this Fun Firsts experiments, I'm trying different work outs that I haven't tried before. So now I'm supposed to try another fun work out, but after I experiment some more, I may come back to this boot camp. I honestly did enjoy the work out. It's just I wish they had a 7am boot camp so that I could still have a social life if I continued doing the boot camp! I COULD go to the evening one, but then I wouldn't get the "after-burn" effect for hours..... We'll see! Maybe I'll like Crossfit more.

So for anyone who wants info on the boot camp, here is there website:

http://www.fitbodybootcamp.com/

And a few of the blurbs from their site:
"The secret to the massive fat loss results that our clients are getting is due to the After Burn™ effect that our workouts produce. After Burn™ is the state of increased metabolic output (elevated metabolism) for up to 28 hours that takes place after a really good workout. But not all "good" workouts are the same; many, in fact, deliver little fat burning results at all...

We do things a lot differently here at Fit Body Boot Camp, which is why you'll burn twice the calories during your workout with us, AND you'll continue to burn even more calories up to 28 hours after your last workout session....

At Fit Body Boot Camp each and every workout combines elements of High Intensity Interval Training, Exercise Stacking™ as well as Active Rest periods making sure to give you the best possible workouts and most calories burned in every session....

In fact, the average Fit Body Boot Camp workout burns 600 - 1000 calories in under an hour - that's twice the calories burned over any other workouts program out there."

Sounds great, right?

Week 9- My First Zumbathon and Kundalini Yoga Experience

While I've been really good about keeping up with my weekly fun firsts, I fell a few days behind in doing a blog entry for this week. Work has been BUSY. Which is of course a blessing.

So for Week 9 I have like 1.5 fun firsts. For my Week 9 Fun First I signed up for a Party in Pink Zumbathon to benefit the Susan Komen Foundation. I'd never done one before and it sounded like a lot of fun. And it was. I particularly loved the idea of working out and tithing at the same time. It felt like multi-tasking when I'm not much a multi-tasker (and by "not much" I mean "not at all").

BUT when you read "Zumbathon" don't you assume it means lots of hours of Zumba? Well, it turned out to only be TWO hours of Zumba. So even though it was fun, it felt like really I'd just taken two back to back Zumba classes instead of trying something new... :-(

I didn't want to cheat myself out of this week's fun first, SO when someone put a flyer for a new yoga studio on my car and the new yoga studio had Kundalini, I decided to do that as my fun first for the week.

It was kind of funny because I'd been waiting since 2009 to find a good Master to study Kundalini Yoga under. In 2009 I got hit with a little Kundalini Syndrome (at that time I used to meditate for hours and it accidentally happened during one of those meditations) and I did NOT want that to happen again. My muscles would get all sore from meditation and it would limit my meditation at the time. I had been told (and read) that it was important to study under a Master in order to avoid Kundalini Syndrome. So I'd been waiting. But apparently this flyer was good enough to make me say, "Oh perfect. I'll try Kundalini today at a place I've never even heard of before."

I guess that's what doing this 52 Fun Firsts Experiment does to you. You just become much more open, easy-going, and down to try new things. And makes you much more trusting.

So I walked into the studio and really liked the energy in it. The class was awesome. It started off with chanting mantras and fire breathing and doing a specific Kriya (a Kriya is a sequence of poses, kind of like a recipe, for a specific goal). That day the Kriya was to release any unknown causes of disease in ourselves. I was sooooooo relaxed after that class.

I got a little nervous at first because the teacher (who also owns the studio) was reading the instructions for the Kriyas out of a book as she guided us. Being that I had been waiting for a Master to study under, my eyes got a little wide at first and fears of ending up with Kundalini Syndrome rose up. But I remembered that people sometimes get the same wide-eyed look on their faces when they have a very specific illness and I bust out my Advanced Pranic Healing book too look up the specific protocol for that illness (I can't remember the exact steps for EVERY issue in the world! And if it's serious I don't want to mess up!). I've been a Pranic Healer for about 5 years now and the sessions go very well. I could do it without the book, but it's easier to just look and make sure I follow everything with precision. So I relaxed and trusted.

It was a good call because I felt so good after that class that I decided to go ahead and sign up for a package and I've already gone back since my first class. I leave feeling very relaxed and gooooood after the class. Anything that involves fire breathing tends to have that effect on me, even though while I'm doing it I'm thinking, "When is this going to be over??" and might feel like I'm about to pass out. The relief I feel afterward and the energy surge is always worth it.

The teacher/owner is awesome and she's trying to build a beautiful community around the studio with things like healing and meditation, which I really appreciate. Also, when I first walked in the she said, "You look so familiar. Where do I know you from?" I shrugged, but I've gotten deja vu twice in class, so it feels like it's exactly where I'm supposed to be. I'm glad I finally decided to start practicing Kundalini Yoga.

Week 8- My First Pan African Film Festival Experience

For this week's First, I decided to go to the Pan African Film Festival. I'm generally not much of a going to the movies person. This is my second time in a movie theater in the last.....4 years? I'm not even sure why, I just usually have things I'd rather do. BUT this event sounded like a lot of fun. Particularly closing night. Closing night consisted of the Los Angeles premiere of "Free Angela and All Political Prisoners," which is a documentary I really wanted to watch, a Q&A with Angela Davis, a red carpet beforehand, and the closing gala party afterward. Sounds like a fun evening, no? IT WAS!!!!

                                                        (Go watch it in theaters in April)

Me on the Red Carpet

 

 

(The producer-Jada Pinkett Smith, Angela Davis, and the director-Shola Lynch, on the Red Carpet)

 

First of all, the documentary was REALLY good. Angela Davis is one of the most courageous and beautiful women in American history. She is a baaaaaaad ass. I'm grateful they fought to make this movie and you should go watch it when it comes out in April if you'd like some inspiration. She constantly stood up for what she believed regardless of the consequences and in the film she talks about how 8 differnt countries offered her asylum, but she chose to not leave and stand trial out here in 1970, when the chances of getting a fair trial were.... Well it was miraculous that she won...... I was glued to the screen.

After the movie we got a little Q&A with Ms. Davis herself (I was in the 3rd row-Woo hoo!):

(Cool Pic)

 

 

(Answering Questions)

 

 

After the Q&A, there was an after-party that had an open bar and food. LOL, and I decided that the best use of my time at said party was to stalk Ms. Davis:

 



 

 

 

Overall, I had a great time and it was a great use of my evening. I think I like film festivals.

 

I'll close out the blog with this clip that I found on the Pan African Film Festival website of Jada speaking on the movie at the red carpet:

 

 

 

 



 

 

Week 7- My First Flash Mob: One Billion Rising

 

This week's first: MY FIRST ONE BILLION RISING EXPERIENCE!!!! It was awesome. Definitely one of my favorite firsts so far. If you aren't familiar with the One Billion Rising movement, on February 14, 2013 women from ALL OVER the world rose and danced as a form of celebratory protest. 1 out of 3 women alive today will be raped or assaulted. That's one billion women in the world, and as the campaign states, that's an atrocity. So the intent was to get women from all over the world to form flash mobs in their communities and it was a huge success. I get chills whenver I think about it and can watch footage from around the world all day if you let me.

 

This is the video with the theme song and the choreographed dance we all danced:

 

 

 

Debbie Allen helped choreograph and teach the dance. There were tons of instructionals all over Youtube. Though it wasn't the first V-Day ever, it was the first One Billion Rising. There was a lot of celebrity involvement and donation of time. Women like Rosario Dawson, Kerry Washington, Anne Hathaway, Thandie Newton were out there recruiting and encouraging women to strike, rise, and dance. And they did.

 

There are so many beautiful pictures from all over the world... But I'd be here all day if I didn't just grab a few. So here's a sample of what took place around the world on February 14, 2013. And then I'll talk a little about my own experience. So:

 

Women in Izmir, Turkey:

 

In Congo:

 

 

In the Philippines:

 

Australia:

 

Grandada, Spain:

 

 

 

New Delhi:

 

 

 

Toronto (in the snow!):

 

 













 Peru:

 

 

 

Italy:

 

 

 

And all over the place, including places you might not expect, like this jail in San Francisco:

 

 



 

I'll also include a couple of videos so you can feel some of the energy behind this global event.

 

Here's one from Milan:

 

And Berlin:

 

 

LOL, I'll stop now before I get carried away, but basically you could feel the energy building and building as women in Australia and Asia started it off and then it kept going like waves throughout the world. It was really beautiful and it meant a lot to me to be able to participate. As a survivor of rape myself and as someone who works with many women who have survived domestic violence and rape, I decided to strike, take the day off work, and spend my day participating in the LA flash mobs.

 

This was my first flash mob experience on top of it being my first One Billion Rising (well it was the first time this event took place period). I was pretty excited. I danced throughout the day, joining the different flash mobs in the Santa Monica/Venice area. We would randomly turn on speakers and all start dancing together. I got over any kind of shyness very fast. FLASH MOBS ARE SOOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!!! My day started off with the CodePink flashmob in Santa Monica, where we did the dance many times on the Third Street Promenade:

 

 

 

In the last flash mob I participated in, we flash mobbed the Apple Store in Santa Monica! I was a little nervous then because there were a whole lot of us and everyone in the store stared while we streamed in. There were a lot of breakables in there. Then someone turned on the speakers, we busted out our shakers, and started dancing (not the full dance, but a Shiva Rea modified version) and chanting. By the time we were done the police were there, but they just watched and laughed.

 

Walking with the yoga crew to the last flash mob of my day:

 

 

 

People were very supportive. My receipt from lunch between flash mobs:

 

 

 

My waiter thanked me for dancing, and I'd like to say "Thank you for dancing!" to all the women and men who participated in this beautiful event. I'd also like to thank Eve Ensler for creating this movement and orchestrating it all. I loved the idea of dance because not only is celebratory and a way of vibrating above the violence and re-claiming your joy, but it's a beautiful way of owning your body again after something like rape happening to you. Belly dance has personally given me a beautiful way of re-owning my body with precise isolations and such..... So I loved the idea from the moment I heard it.

 

I also loved the energy behind the lyrics of the song:

 

"I dance cause I love
Dance cause I dream
Dance cause I've had enough
Dance to stop the screams
Dance to break the rules
Dance to stop the pain
Dance to turn it upside down
Its time to break the chain"

This movement was about joy, celebrating, and BEING IN YOUR BODY. Which, if you've been following this blog, you know has been a big theme for me lately. I don't know how many times I've heard the song by now, but by the end of the 14th, one of the hooks also started having extra meaning for me:

"This is my body, my body's holy
No more excuses, no more abuses,"

I loved that part from the beginning and it was one of my fave parts of the dance (body roll, re-claiming your body, and then namaste hands). But by the end of the day I was also aiming it at me. I started thinking about the different ways I may have abused my body in the past and the ways I sometimes make excuses for it. Such as not having enough time to exercise or drinking alcohol, even though I'm not a big fan, just because I'm at a party and everyone else is drinking, etc. And by the end of the 14th I had re-claimed my body to another level and re-committed to no more excuses or abuses from myself as well.

It was all a beautiful and VERY fun experience. I definitely encourage everyone to participate next year. Thank you to everyone who made One Billion Rising happen.







Week 6- My First Tantra Class AND My First Mayan Shaman Initiation

Yea, it was a big week for me. Yea, I wish I could have spread these things out to two different weeks, but that's just not the way life worked, so I had to do both in one day. And what a day it was! I'm so proud of myself for working through so much in one day. LOTS of breaking out of comfort zones. This entry will be a little deeper rather than picture-filled since these weren't really the type of events where you could snap pictures.

I had already signed up for the Mayan Shaman Healing Initiation awhile ago. One of my healing Teachers and personal healers was offering it and it was a pretty big deal. People flew in from all over the place for it so it's not something I could have chosen to do on another day. Here is the link for anyone interested: http://www.creationcenter.org/schedule.html I'm a healer and Brook is one of my favorite Teachers so I was all signed up and ready to go.

The Tantra thing felt necessary at last minute.  It sprang forth from a commitment to myself and to my life. Obviously your body is a huge part of your life and something you should know well and reach your full potential there. I mean your body is a huge gift to you and so is sexuality. It hit me that not making the time to study these things is a form of not honoring myself fully. Ever since I took that workshop where we were asked to focus on being in our bodies for the next 6 months and realizing how much I love being out of my body and realizing the discomfort I initially felt in being in my body, I've really been focused on my body and using my 5 senses much more. But I had some big blocks around going to a live, co-ed Tantra class without my own partner (I've done online Tantra classes before). And I decided that I needed to move through the blocks immediately. So I signed up for the first class available.

Here is what I wrote when I made the decision to sign up, "Ever since I turned about 12 years old, men started feeling like they were preying on me. Not even in a trying to sleep with me type of way, but in a "I'm in love with you and want to marry you NOW" type of way (I've had LAPD send me helicopters over stalkers, men crying in public, men writing me songs, scenes at airport, professors, mentors and even spiritual teachers betraying my trust by hitting on me.... the list of uncomfortable situations with men I barely know goes on....). And it's kind of shaped my interactions with men in that even though I'm super friendly, open and make people feel special/comfortable, *I* have certain blocks up and tend to be defensive and alert inside. It's helped me in that my relationships with women are so beautiful and deep and always have been because I don't have that defense around women and preferred interacting with women. The same is true with men who I 100% know are only interested in my friendship- I develop these amazing brother-sister relationship with men who love me so dearly and who I've never even shared a kiss with.... Because they're safe. And I have a life full of amazing deep loving friendships….

But my interactions with men who aren’t already completely in friend zone have an inner defense. And I tend to prefer interacting with men who don’t show romantic interest in me (in my past if you want to make me run the other way- just be super blunt about how you’re in love with me and want to date me). That’s not too healthy now that everything in my life feels so amazing and in place and I am now interested in exploring a serious romantic soulmate relationship. Because I can’t be scared of men who show interest in me. I mean in the past I was known to buy bottles at every club as a way to keep men from trying to approach me because I would actually be very bothered by men trying to talk to me when I just wanted to have fun with my friends. And I quickly found out that a good portion of men are too intimidated at that point to come talk to you (this is probably how I ended up attracting so many entertainers to begin with- because this doesn’t intimidate them) and I’d always have my little safe corner to be in. So I used to go out of my way to avoid having to deal with men trying to show romantic interest in me…..

So the thought of having to sit in a classroom and sit very openly and do all kinds of exercises with a lot of staring and breathing and sensual stuff with men I don’t know and who will probably be older than me and may very well make me feel uncomfortable was enough to make my stomach get anxious and make me just want to learn from books. I’m not even sure what shifted last night, but I said, “F it. I’m a grown up. I can take a tantra class and just be and I will breathe through any discomfort and I will be just fine.” I’m kind of still in awe of my willingness to put myself out there and out of my comfort zone. And I’m sure it has something to do with learning how to comfortably draw boundaries last month and feeling secure in my ability to do so. Step by step. Enjoying every step of the journey. I'm doing this!"

So it was a big deal to me. I was kind of nervous the day of but knew that I was just going to breathe through it and I would be okay.

LOL, little did I know that in the Mayan Initiation class that morning the first initiation would involve a male partner dipping his finger into Bailey's cream and then into my mouth for about 30 minutes (it was a ritual where every tooth in your mouth is blessed individually). I was cracking up at Spirit setting it up like that and just breathed through my blocks. This initiation actually made me feel like the Tantra class would be a lot easier because I had just moved through this.

I don't think I'm going to get into any more details about the Mayan Initiation class because I don't know how much of it is shareable. But it was a PRETTY intense experience. I let go of a lot of stuff that no longer serves me and I received a lot. I love how in my world nothing is really considered weird anymore and that I'm so open to trying new things.

The class went over a bit late and we had to fast in the morning (yea, the Bailey's thing went down on an empty stomach) so I was starving while running to my Tantra class and thought that I might actually end up missing it, but I reminded myself that I fully committed to it and that not going was NOT an option.

When I arrived this is the first thing that greeted me. Rose petals on the sidewalk leading up to the studio:

Beautiful touch and a super sensual environment. But the class was actually VERY challenging for me. A lot of people may not know how it works, so I'll break it down a little. Basically, if you go to a Tantra class without a partner, you rotate through all the men who don't have partners for the exercises. The women without partners sit at stations in a circle and the men rotate through the stations for each exercise. Everything is in silence so there is no intro conversation and you don't even get to exchange names. When a new guy gets to your station you just bow to each other until your foreheads meet and take deep breaths. This is your introduction to each other. On top of that the exercises are super intense. I was assured before signing up that there would be no nudity or sexual contact in the class, but sexual contact is a pretty relative term in my opinion. For someone who is used to giving death stares to men who even grab my elbow in a nightclub, this was A LOT. By the end of the evening I'd partnered up with 6 men who were complete strangers to me.

OMG, I had to move through stuff. I'd never realized how much energy I've invested and put in my life towards protecting my body from men. The exercises in the class brought up all kinds of trust issues and issues around safety. I mean my body is holy and I treat it as such and I'm a pretty curvy girl who's body men love to appreciate.... So I've been on full guard for years and this class made me realize the type of hardcore walls and defenses I've built around trying to protect my body. As an example, I remember one of my girlfriends got a stripper in Vegas for her b-day party and he was trying to give me a lap dance, which meant he was trying to touch me and I was appalled by a man I didn't know thinking it was okay to put his hands on my body. I really said, "Sir, I don't care if they're paying you for this, do know that if you touch me you might get slapped. And then slapped with a sexual harassment lawsuit. Do NOT touch me." I can get very "Do you know who the f*ck I am?" in such situations (so I'm sure it brings up power issues too). But it's no longer necessary to be so vigilant and guarded because I'm safe.

When I was younger men would sometimes grab/attempt to grab my body parts, but I shifted out of having those experiences a long time ago. Back in my younger days I've had everything from my behind to my breasts grabbed (yup, a man actually fully grabbed my breasts as he walked by me when I was 19 years old living in Paris and in Buenos Aires a man bit my shoulder in the middle of a club to get my attention, drawing blood!). However, my experience nowadays is one of attracting a lot of respect from men, even at places like hip hop festivals, no matter what I'm wearing (or not wearing). I think my last crazy experience was all the way in 2008 during an Inauguration party when I felt it was necessary to knee a Middle Eastern Prince in the balls after he claimed he had been entitled to come up behind me at a bar and grope my a** due to his title. That was over 4 years ago. Likewise when I was younger I would attract men who I would immediately write off for doing something like putting their hand on my leg on a first date. But I no longer attract men like that. I haven't attracted men who are interested in me due to just the physical in YEARS, so these ultra strong defense mechanisms are no longer needed and were no longer serving me... I'm much safer now.

At the tantra class, the teacher creates a very safe place and started off the class by saying that if you don't agree to say no to any exercise that feels uncomfortable for you, then you aren't allowed in the class. So it brought back up the theme of being comfortable with drawing boundaries. I spent some time thinking about my discomfort in the past with establishing boundaries and realized it had to do with being a very sensitive person who feels people's pain easily and I understand how much rejection can hurt someone and I'm a person who practices non-injury as a lifestyle. So this commitment we made in class was a great way to honor myself and a great reminder to think about what rejection really is... Because if I were to have said no to someone in class, it had NOTHING to do with that person but with my own discomfort and past issues with feeling preyed upon by men. It would have been about me, not about them, as is always the case. And thus there is no need to feel pain over rejection and thus no need to feel horrible over "rejecting" someone. I did push myself to not say no and actually participate in (ALMOST) all the exercises, not out of a fear of rejecting someone but out of a desire to get teh full experience and push myself out of my comfort zone. I drew the line at the last exercise which included instructions to wrap your legs around your partner and do pelvic tilts. That falls into the sexual contact category for me and it was waaaaaaay too much for me. Had I brought my own partner, cool, but not with a stranger.

As you can see this class was a very helpful experience to me. I am definitely going to continue studying Tantra, though I'll probably more so focus on practices I can do by myself, now that I've moved through this experience which was very necessary for me. I'm very much looking forward to becoming a Tantra Master in this lifetime. :-D But for the moment, I'm just super proud of myself for my willingness to put myself out of my comfort zone and grow.

Week 5- My First Indoor Mountain Climbing Adventure

This week's entry will be relatively short because I just saw Beyonce perform at the Super Bowl half-time show and am now inspired to spend rest of my evening working out (didn't she look amazing??)

This week for my fun first I decided to try indoor mountain climbing:

The idea came from the workshop that I took a couple of weeks ago where we focused on staying in our bodies. The Teacher commented on how a woman in our class's activity of mountain climbing was a great way of being very present and fully in your body because you have to be very aware of all your body parts. I wasn't really trying to go hang off the side of a mountain, but I thought trying the indoor variety might be a fun work out. I also expected it to be easy because I do pole and am pretty good at climbing... Well........ Pole is easier.

I got there and was given these special shoes:

Then I was told by the super sweet girl (who has been outdoor mountain climbing since infancy) that I should be okay as a first-timer as long as I wasn't scared of heights. I stared at her and said, "Well, I'm actually scared of heights....." She said she'd be by me to help me down if I got scared and froze at the top....... I said it should be fine because it didn't look that high and I would have one of those ropes tied to my body anyhow right? At which point I was told that this was a "bouldering" place, which meant no rope and that instead I'd just have a "thick" mat. And by thick she meant this:

And really it felt a whole lot higher when you were actually climbing:

She kept following me around telling me to look for the "VB" climbing trails because those were for the very beginners.... I kept thinking, "Ummm... I'm going to need something lower tha VB!" LOL, so this week I found out that mountain climbing is NOT one of my talents. But I still had a lot of fun with this new experience.

I also did all this in the middle of trying to watch the Super Bowl. I don't usually watch football, but one of my good friends was actually playing in the Super Bowl! So this was the first time that I've actually been emotionally involved in a football game. And he won!!!!! It was his first ring, so that made me pretty happy today. :-) I'm still not a fan of football, but I'm always a fan of watching my friends achieve their dreams.